Today was rough: I’m going to start from the beginning…
Brandon and I got into a fight, again (what else is new)… But, our fights seem to be getting worse :'( . They’ve been getting more and more physical. Like, today, he grabbed me and choked me; I thought I was going to black out. When he released his grip, I kicked him in the nuts and he winced in pain before back-handing me.
I just found out that my mom and Gary are going on a month-long cruise and are leaving Brandon and I here alone. With the fights we’ve been having lately, idk how this will smooth over. Maybe I should apply for my gun card… Nah, that’s not the move. He overpowers me and he’ll take it from me and use it on me… Plus, I’m not old enough anyway.
And finally, Jordan is acting like an ass to me. He’s been acting different towards me; I wonder if he still thinks I’m sexy. Maybe I should wear tighter clothes around him. Show him this amazing ass and remind him of how fun and spontaneous I can be. (He’s been hinting at a threesome, so maybe I’ll try that with him). Nah, I’m not stooping THAT low. I’m not a hoe.
I’ve been thinking, though, maybe I shouldn’t be messing with Jordan while being with Brandon, but it’s exciting. I enjoy the rush I get when I’m with Jordan; he makes me feel good. 😎 Yeah, I know what he’s doing and involved in isn’t an ideal situation, but it feels good… You know the moment when something feels so right but you know it’s wrong? Yeah, this is one of those situations.
But anyway, one of the good things about today was that I found out I was pregnant (yay). I’ve always wanted a little baby of my own. But… as you can guess, I’m not quite sure of whose baby it is. I think it’s Brandon’s, but it could also be Jordan’s. idk. Jordan and I haven’t been wrapping it up as we should be (stupid, I know) but Brandon is having a few problems with… well, you know what it is… So, I’m unsure, but I’m pretty sure of whose baby it is….
THE BURNING QUESTION:
How do I tell him? Brandon will probably kill me if he found out that I was fucking around on him. It’s already happened on numerous occasions; well, not death, obviously, but as you know, our fights have gotten pretty physical… Idk… I’ll figure something out
That’s the end of this entry…. I have to get back and clean my room before my mom comes in and starts bitching at me lol